Sunday Musings: ‘From Zenith to Zilch’

On the Kapil Sharma show recently, well-known celebrity Mrs. Sudha Murthy impishly advised ladies to always keep some money, hidden from their spouses. I believe she didn’t need to. Hoarding money secretly is every housewife’s natural instinct.

I was reading the morning paper when the wife walked in wearing a worried look. “I was giving the gardener his salary. He is not accepting 2000-rupee note.”

I decided to remove his ignorance and went out to explain.

“Kya aap ko pata nahin yeh legal tender hai?”

“Hindi mein batao Sahib.” He said, in his Bihari accent.

“Kanooni nivida”

“Arey Sahib, yeh to aur bhi kathin hai.”

He expressed his difficulty that when he goes to buy his daal and atta, the shopkeeper does not accept it. I realized that our financial wizards in the high office have little connect with the kiranas, who form the axle of our economy wagon.

At breakfast, “I have ‘saved’ some more”, the wife said, almost sheepishly. “Ok”, I said, “Give me ten of these notes, I will get them changed.” I had seen the RBI spokesperson announce on TV that changing up to 20,000 rupees in any bank is a breezy walk-in-walk-out job, with no questions asked.

An hour later, I stood before the seniors’ counter at my XXXX bank. The girl handed me a page-long form to fill. It included my name, mobile number, ID proof, account number and some more. There was also space provided for my signatures.

“But isn’t this against the RBI policy?” I asked.

“We are following directions of our higher ups sir”, she said with a display of institutional loyalty.

“I know this is a private bank, but isn’t it governed by RBI rules?”

She threw me a look as if I lived in a world of fantasy.

I had no choice but to comply. I also realized my mistake in not having carried the details, since I thought nothing was required, and it was a jiffy job, as the RBI guy had said

My mobile number has remained unchanged for 26 years and is etched in my memory. But a 12-digit Aadhaar card and a 14-digit account number are beyond my pail. I ruefully recalled the time when I first started banking; the three-digit account number was so easy on memory. An inner voice chided me for not moving with the times. ‘Technology has made things simpler’, It said. The mention of ‘simpler’ made me smile derisively.

After obtaining details through Whatsapp from my wife, I finally filled up the form, standing on one side of the counter. Many younger clients had meanwhile overtaken me in the ‘seniors’ queue. I attempted to hand over the filled form through the opening in the Perspex partition, but the girl was busy with some paper work.

I had been standing long and my patience was stressed. After finishing whatever she was doing, she got busy on a mobile call – her fourth since I had stood there. She continued talking for what looked like eons. The Army man in me suddenly took over.

“What kind of service is this?” I asked in a loud voice. “First you violate government rules and then you make me stand and wait.” On hearing this, the bank operational head, came rushing. I am informally friendly with him.

“I have been standing here for 28 minutes” I said coldly. Then, pointing to their ‘Senior Citizens and Disabled Only’ placard, I asked, “Are you respecting my age or pitying my assumed disability just because I am old? Are you people running the bank merely on propaganda and slogans?”

He didn’t respond but my work got quickly done thereafter.

I was still grumpy when I reached home and belched out my frustration. “If I see the RBI fella on TV again, making those misleading statements”, I swore, “I would smash the screen.”

Offering me a calmative glass of cold water, the wife said somewhat philosophically, “the 2000-rupee note has become like Bahadur Shah, the last Mughal emperor. It wears the crown of face value but is otherwise redundant.”

*{Lt. Gen. Raj Kadyan}   If her aim was to send my mind deftly on a diversionary loop-line, she had scored a hit.

“From now on”, she added, “I will only save coins”  (pics credit-FilmiBaat and Deccan Herald)